This week I am taking a question that came to me from someone who follows me on Instagram.

“Amanda, I have done really well with ditching the scale. I haven’t weighed myself in almost 7 months, down from weighing multiple times per week.  I was at the doctor for my physical and I told them I didn’t want to know my weight. They did a good job with that but when I went in to check my lab results a few days later in the online portal, I saw my weight listed right there front and center. And the number is MUCH higher than what I could have ever thought possible for me.  I was feeling so good before and now I just feel awful. How do I get back to where I was feeling so good now that I know my weight?”   

First off, thank you for writing to me and allowing me to share this scenario with others. I absolutely understand how seeing that number was a shock to your system (especially after you made it clear that you DID NOT want to know it) and I validate the feelings you’re having around this issue.    

Something similar happened to me about two years ago. I had to get weighed for life insurance and the woman who came to my house was lovely and understanding when I told her I didn’t want to know my weight. Cut to about a month later I got a letter in the mail from the life insurance company. When I opened the letter, it stated that I was not eligible for the top tier of their policy and then listed the reason why — right under it, in big black BOLD letters, it stated my weight, my BMI, and the word “OBESE.”  

What. The. Actual. Fuck.  

That was a really, really (really) hard day and I relied on ALL of my self-care tools to get me out of that slump.

So…I want to first give you props for telling your doctor that you didn’t want to know your weight or discuss it. That takes a lot of guts to do and I really admire that you were able to ask for what you needed to feel safe at your doctor’s office.

What I would encourage you to do now is to layer on as much compassion as you can to yourself. This is a time for extreme self care, like reaching out to friends, your therapist and/or dietitian, or healer. I would also recommend doing anything that shows body kindness and respect: buying or wearing clothes you feel good in, getting a massage, taking a walk in nature, or simply giving yourself the space to recognize that you are feeling really down right now and that it’s OK.  Maybe that looks like crying a bit and watching Grace and Frankie on repeat on Netflix (Is this what I did…no no no…just “hypothetically speaking”).   

Remember that you were feeling so good in your body before you knew your weight and you still can feel good in your body now.  After all…your body hasn’t changed — it’s just the information that created self-judgement. Remember…that number is just a number, a measure of gravity of your body on a scale. It does not determine your worth or value as a person and still deserves the same respect you were giving it before.  Even more so now.  

PS.  Did you know that you can decline your weight at the doctor’s office?  YES. You can! At any visit, you can tell your provider “I choose not to get weighed today” and that is that.  They just need your weight for a point of data for insurance, and as a patient it is well within your rights to decline that.  I always decline.